I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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