does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Come share oat with me in your robe
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
