just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
