You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
My liver just broke up with me...
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
