Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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