She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
