The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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