that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
