shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
