i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
