I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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