I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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