Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
