I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize