I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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