I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
