I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
