If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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