two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
