I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
