i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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