I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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