Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
