Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
