One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
