just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
