can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize