You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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