fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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