Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
