i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
