now i know why i became what i already was.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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