So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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