the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
