Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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