drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize