you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
