I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
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