i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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