dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
they're like a gay fantastic four
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
