Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
