before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
