And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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