hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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