I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
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