WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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