New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
