did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
