I think my fart just growled at me.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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