dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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