I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
