More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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