and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
