I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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