we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
