you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
