Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Randomize
