I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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