They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
