She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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