It's Friday. Sex?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
