So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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