you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Randomize
