With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
