I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
