I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Randomize
